On your sleeve, beating your own rhythm
Yes grief does kind-of get worse when life gets back to "normal", mostly because what you feel becomes more insidious. You find that you get distracted by other things and then suddenly you remember and feel fragile. Or people expect your energy levels to return and they do (which convinces them they have) but they become volatile and unpredictable.
The most important thing is to ask for help if you need it. Also to acknowledge what you need. If you are feeling fragile and want to talk/be spoiled/ be alone - ask. If you are feeling energetic and want to feel normal for a change - ask, call someone, go out for dinner. People won't know what you need but they will want to help.
How am I?
That is an interesting question today. I recently met someone. I told you about him, I think. In some ways he was just what I've been waiting for - he was intelligent, well read, athletic, driven, had a really strong character and (so important) he was Zimbabwean.
But he was also 30. Really, really didn't understand my sense of humour. Brought out a lot of feelings of grief in me that I had buried, living among people who neither knew nor cared. And we got together too fast and didn't have a chance to be friends first. As a result, we found ourselves disconnecting and eventually (after an INTENSE month) we broke up 2 weeks ago.
And I am sad. I really liked him. Yet the whole time I felt very out of control and it was all I could do to watch as everything about "us" went wrong. I spent the INTENSE month swinging between manic behaviour and insecurity. I didn't know myself suddenly, didn't trust myself. It was horrible.
In the aftermath of our break up I have refound my equilibrium. In relief I have remembered who I am.
Today, though, I'm really sad. My sister just called me to ask if I'd like to do something tonight. She's making me dinner and we'll catch a movie. I know my mum has called her and this is them looking after me. Moving to Perth has been one of the loneliest and hardest things I have ever done. But being near my family makes it worth it.
So that's how I am.
Have a great day babe. Thinking of you.
K
The most important thing is to ask for help if you need it. Also to acknowledge what you need. If you are feeling fragile and want to talk/be spoiled/ be alone - ask. If you are feeling energetic and want to feel normal for a change - ask, call someone, go out for dinner. People won't know what you need but they will want to help.
How am I?
That is an interesting question today. I recently met someone. I told you about him, I think. In some ways he was just what I've been waiting for - he was intelligent, well read, athletic, driven, had a really strong character and (so important) he was Zimbabwean.
But he was also 30. Really, really didn't understand my sense of humour. Brought out a lot of feelings of grief in me that I had buried, living among people who neither knew nor cared. And we got together too fast and didn't have a chance to be friends first. As a result, we found ourselves disconnecting and eventually (after an INTENSE month) we broke up 2 weeks ago.
And I am sad. I really liked him. Yet the whole time I felt very out of control and it was all I could do to watch as everything about "us" went wrong. I spent the INTENSE month swinging between manic behaviour and insecurity. I didn't know myself suddenly, didn't trust myself. It was horrible.
In the aftermath of our break up I have refound my equilibrium. In relief I have remembered who I am.
Today, though, I'm really sad. My sister just called me to ask if I'd like to do something tonight. She's making me dinner and we'll catch a movie. I know my mum has called her and this is them looking after me. Moving to Perth has been one of the loneliest and hardest things I have ever done. But being near my family makes it worth it.
So that's how I am.
Have a great day babe. Thinking of you.
K
posted by Kait at 5:02 pm
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