Bangkok, Thailand. December 20th

Bangkok: surreal, big, shiny, dirty, crowded, overwhelming and cheap.

Beware of:
a) tuk tuk drivers who helpfully drop you off at tailors and jewellery stores in exchange for commissions (although this is still the most exciting and efficient way to travel around Bangkok, so just be stern).
b) crazy bird ladies who thrust unwanted seeds into your hand, watch you be maulled by flesh eating feral pigeons and then shout '50Bhat!' at you as if you've robbed her.
c) hippies with dreads and tatoos who sit around in western cafes around Khoa San road watching American football and complaining to the waiters (beware only because of irrational peer pressure you feel to tatoo and dread yourself)

Enjoy:
a) the random friendliness of Thai people everywhere who are genuinely pleased to hear where you are from and welcome you to Thailand.
b) Thai massage (brutally pleasant, although Al was not so keen on having his balls touched by Julio the not-so-Thai masseuse)
c) the Night Markets, set in an aphitheatre complete with rock concert (the Thai version of Oasis is pretty good)
d) travel by riverbus in the fresh sea breeze (hop on and hop off at your peril)

Getting better at:
a) bargining (though still crap)

Highlights:
The Indian sweatshop owner (sorry, Tailor) sizing us up (while our unrepentant Tuk Tuk driver peered hopefully in from the window) and saying "hmm, you South Africans don't know quality, you never like to spend much. I think you go back to London and buy second hand coat. That is better for you".